The Slow Painful Death of a Saleseeker

I am cheap by nature. Maybe cheap isn’t the right word…Frugal. I try and find deals for all my purchases. I’m infatuated with multipacks, combo-packs and bogo. Oh, and don’t even get me started on points, miles and bonuses. I live for a sale. End of season, end of the rack, business closing and yard sales; bring’em on. I buy things for a steal of a deal. They’re usually the less flattering colours- perhaps the fit is just a bit off- maybe it’s a factory second. No matter the kind of deal, I buy it. It’s gotten a bit out of control. And control is the one thing I can’t buy in bulk.

I am drowning in multipacks. There are back up boxes of toothpaste, shampoo, q-tips, tissues, poo bags, body wash- anything that’s cheaper if I buy it in a million-pack. The more you buy, the more you save. But, Brainy lady that I am, I’m starting to think the more you buy, the more you spend. Like Hubby’s deodorant was on sale so I bought 5; forgetting how long it takes to go through deodorant. The upside is the last 4 times the old stick scratches his pit there has been a new one waiting. The downside is that deodorant has been on sale 5 times since I bought enough to coat each pit in the house and 8 of those pits don’t use antiperspirant, cuz they’re animals. Though Jilly’s breath would be so much fresher if it smelled like Hubby’s armpits. Hubby has cornered me, twisting my arm to use the stuff I have before buying anything else that might be on sale. Forbidding me to enter the local drugstore, so adeptly nicknamed 50 bucks. Sad part? I haven’t bought anything new in the last 3 months, and I am nowhere near being out of anything. I’ve tried to convince myself that this convenience out weighs the upfront cost, used space and inevitable digging when a replacement is needed. But it’s not.

We live in a condo. A condo bigger than our last one, but all that’s done is expand storage for these 48 roll toilet paper packs and the baker’s dozen of brand new toothbrushes. Fiscally it seems like a better deal to buy the multi-pack. And that may be true…but at a certain point these auxiliary items should start paying rent. My closet and cupboards bursting with all these ‘great buys’ or ‘amazing deals’ or ‘final offers’. There’s just so much of it; waiting. Well, I have a special offer. Why don’t we just make everything more affordable? Oh wait, that’s too easy. As for me, I haven’t decided what to do with all the money I am saving, maybe I should think about updating my wardrobe with -gasp- full price in season items. Aww, but then I would miss the very best part about getting something on sale: Telling the person complimenting you- just how cheap it was. Though I should probably keep that to myself if I want to maintain the mystery and majesty of sale shopping. And you know, the illusion that I am a classy dame.

The Slow Painful Death of a Saleseeker

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