Today marks my Murdoch Mysteries episode premiere. I am excited and a little nervous….Having never seen the final cut, I am scared that I will be left on the editing room floor. So, it is with fingers crossed and hopeful anticipation that this artist waits. Having been in this crazy industry for almost a decade, I know that what you shoot and what fits into the 42 min network time slot are 2 very different things. Now, I have had my share of career ups and downs, wins and losses. Each time hoping for that stubborn oyster will open up to reveal a pearl of promise. Though as with all things creative, the only person you can hope to please wholly is yourself. Still, though I worry that I’m gonna let everyone else down.
There is no better onscreen detective than William Murdoch. It is with his help that I hope to interpret the clues left for me by theatre school, life and my foolish optimism. Why aren’t I further along? Since I started this clandestine journey, I have been struggling to exceed the standards set out by those who’ve tread the stage before me. Carrying with me the hopes of all those who’ve supported me. The concept of failure is not an option…At least it wouldn’t be if I had the power to make that decision. The fate of my dreams lies in the hands of execs, playmakers and casting assistants. Standing in my audition wear, I find myself confused as to which door I am supposed to choose. I wish Murdoch could build a device ahead of its time, designed to lead me to the answers that seem forever hidden in the shadows.
The one concrete lesson theatre school enforced was: This business is not logical. It doesn’t care how dedicated you are. It doesn’t care. It is a business. A game of strategic positioning. Yes, of course talent should matter, but it is no longer the most important factor. Being a phenomenal force of creative energy simply isn’t enough. And feeling sorry for yourself is such a warm blanket; quietly smothering motivation, bravery and enthusiasm. Don’t let self-pity extinguish the fire in your belly. In all my failed efforts and teeny wins, I have shucked a few pearls of wisdom that I would like to share. 1. Love the work for the work. 2. Be proud of yourself as often as you can be. 3. Don’t buy a Ferrari until you can pay in cash. And 4. Wins are good, no matter how small. So, as my FanClub shimmies up to the TV to catch a glimpse of my bloated, blue fish face I hope they know I do this for them. I do it for me too…and I would’ve done more but apparently dead bodies don’t play the ukulele while hula hooping.