Preparing For Grief

My family is preparing for the final days of the matriarch. My Grandma Near has been quite ill for quite sometime. Having lost her facilities long ago, she is now a shell waiting for those mystical human mechanics to fail. Not that knowing its coming makes her passing any easier. Somehow knowing that she is still around isn’t as bad as being without. My Momma has been an orphan since I was sixteen. Losing both parents at a relatively young adult age, she invested all those energies into being a good daughter-in-law. Stepping up when others fail. Being a harbinger of strength, helping those of weaker spirit by carrying the load. My Papa B sitting solemnly at her bedside. Grandma Near is my last grandparent. Though I am lucky enough to have married into Hubby’s wonderful remaining two Grand Parents, it’s not the same. There is something special about Grandparents, no matter how old the grandchild.

Death is inevitable. Grief is unmeasurable. There is no way of teaching someone how to grieve. Or correcting their 12 steps of grief to suit our own needs. Even if we think they’re doing it wrong. Everyone grieves differently. Which is probably a good thing, cuz it means there’s a piece for every need. Queen, Rook, and pawn, we all play our parts. My Momma has always said that there are two occasions when our loved ones are all together: Weddings and funerals. Now, doesn’t it seem unfair that we would wait until someone died to celebrate their lives? It seems like a waste of a great party. I have always advocated for celebrating everyday. Yeah, of course our lives get in the way. I have my priorities, and sometimes they aren’t inline with the life I want to live. It is only when we are called upon in times of sadness that we put others first.

There is a time for casseroles, vigils and tears. Just as there is a time for laughter, making
memories and togetherness. To everything turn, turn, turn…It is always my hope that everyday will be lived and loved. Though some days need to be somber. I will say this, that the feeling of togetherness will always be the most important part of being alive. We may be born alone, but we have our whole lives to build the community we want. We’ll never know if it’s our last chance to be the good daughter, great wife and supportive friend, so make each day special. A tiny celebration. Tell people you love them. Walk tall. Dance and sing. Be brave. Listen to the birds and laugh. Not at the birds, but I think you’re picking up what I am putting down. Today is all we’ve ever had…Who will you choose to be? And who will you choose to be with? The choices are easy, it’s actually following through that’s hard. But if it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it.

Preparing For Grief

3 thoughts on “Preparing For Grief

  1. Joanne Rutherford says:

    Beautifully written, Melissa. My thoughts are with your Grandma Near and your dad, mom and brother. Keep smiling. Hugs xo

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