For the last two weeks I have felt like Eeyore under the rain cloud. I haven’t been my usual sunshiny self. And even worse for you, I’ve been blogging my way through the bitterness. You may have noticed the particularly harsh, abrupt and occasionally irate tone to these “this is supposed to be fun” forays into my mind bank. And quite frankly, I’m sick of it. I’m sick and tired of being grumpy. There I’ve admitted it- Happy Commish? I just wanna be happy again, and I don’t know why I’m not. Google can’t diagnose my ailment from my symptoms: fear of success, impatience, laziness and argh. But if I were to hazard a guess, I would say I am suffering from untapped-potential-itis. And as with anything untapped, the pressure is building.
I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed. The problem is; I have no idea what I want to be successful at. I have done so many different things for so long that I’ve forgotten what I wanted to do in the first place. I’ve forgotten what I am good at, and all the ways I do that thing well. I have lost sight of my potential and found myself in the land of Distraction. I’m easily distracted by shiny objects and squirrels. Taking any chance to Pin pretty things to boards I can’t afford. Twittering with birds of pray and play. Constantly scrolling for FB updates about lunch and life. And honestly, I don’t care about any of it. Except, for pretty things, I will always care about pretty things. The fact is I’m sure I’d be a lot sunshinier, if I could ignore it all and focus on my potential.
Potential is a dangerous word. It’s implied meaning is optimistic, though without the practise and follow through, it remains dormant, becoming pessimistic. After seeing Cinderella about a billion times, I was convinced that every story had a happy ending. All glitter and achievement and pumpkins. Happy smile town! It’s just supposed to happen that way, cuz I have potential.*insert foot stomp. But living beneath the weight of my potential is smothering, to say the least. So, from now on I am going to try to brush off these gloomy second guesses. And break through to happiness. My current potential is cloudy with a chance of outburst. Oh sigh, if I could just figure out what I was supposed to do with this potential, and if I was given a set of clear instructions for success and all the tools to get the job done. Is that too much to ask for? Oh and a fairy godmother would help.