Yesterday, I woke up with a burning desire. A yearning I have not felt for many dark winter months. A feeling I can only describe as Spring Fever. Not unlike other fevers this one spikes and sparks hallucinations. I was having delusions of surprise home visits. Stricken with the fear that people might actually think I live the way I have been keeping house; I launched into a full frontal assault. Though the attacks were not simply frontal, they were side-al and underneath-al and from the back. Moving furniture, decluttering shelves, scouring the baseboards. I was going to prove to myself and any surprise visitors in which level of cleanliness I dwell. I am going to fulfill my Cleaneeds.
So it began. It started the way weekly cleaning does. The bathroom sanitation. The kitchen organization. Then it exploded like a smothered spring blossom. I cleaned so much I washed the vacuum. I washed the scissors. I scrubbed the baseboards. I Magic erased all the wall dings and marks. Every grate, grill and trap was scoured. I was merciless. Digging, picking out and yanking. Making factory fresh each piece of well loved bric a brac.
The dog reacts the same way every time the vacuum starts. By chasing the cat until she hides under the bed. Jilly whines in what I can only assume is terror at the idea of us whisking away their fur babies. Then she hides out in the 1st clean room to stress chew her antler. It would stress me out too if my momma and daddy were sweeping up my fur mess. For all I know, she might think of it as the feathers in her nest or as tiny parts of herself, that we’re just throwing away. But maybe that’s just my rationalization of her irrational vacuum reaction. So, I took a deep breath and gave them a pep talk. After grandstanding to the beasts, I realized I may be the reason they react this way…It’s not nature, I have nurtured them into hating cleaning as much as I do.
Since vowing to cut down on unnecessary purchases, I haven’t bought anything, and it’s starting to show. I am down to zeros on the things I use, but carry the dead weight of the things I don’t. I have no more swifter pads but a billion wet jet pads, that I will never use. I have to hold the glass cleaner at a certain angle for the spray nozzle to reach the helpful blue liquid. And having only the liquid bleach detergent left all my dark jeans have been going without. It has taken costly measures.
After stirring up all these hair, dust and emotions. I realized that I required self medication. So, I took an allergy pill. When I start putting my broken army of cleaning weapons away or I ask Hubby to put something on a fake list he isn’t making, I know this time is quickly coming to an end. To positively reinforce my OCDoes, I decided to reward myself with a new magic eraser for next time’s clean. Did I accomplish any of my life long dreams today? No. But I did A full days work. It just happened to be the maid’s work. So feel free to drop in surprise visitors, we’re expecting you!
But the big question is: is it safe to put my winter coat in storage?