Things I Learned At Burlesque

It was the first Wednesday of the month. And in Toronto that means Reveal Me at the Rivoli. A monthly show produced by Red Herring with the newest and neatest burlesque in the city and class acts from around the world. As research, I decided to go. You know, scientifically. So, GFF and I watched Kevin Costner be himself while eating quinoa and curry, mmm, until we had to march our behinds up to the Riv. Tin Cup taught us that the only person who can truly get in our way is ourselves. An important lesson. But I need to learn more about the dark art that is Fancy Dancing…Or Burlesque. So, I dragged her along to fun time 2013! And we watched Burlesque. And learned a thing or 30.

Things I learned at Burlesque:

1. It doesn’t matter what you have as long as you shake it

2. A good story makes a great dance

3. Floor-work only reaches the first 5 rows

3b.I want to hit the peanut gallery

4. Song choice is key

5. Play with the audience, that’s what they paid for

6. Fringe and feathers go a long way

7. Tassels and Twerking goes further

8. Group satisfaction is the best kind of satisfaction

9. Who you are is the best person to be

10. Drag Queens are the only women who can be mean and still get action

11. Never wear track pants to a show

12. The bus is not as classy as a train and an astronaut beats all

13. Charlie Brown is never sexy

14. A great idea takes a great amount of effort

15. Even if your #is 69 you still won’t win the raffle

16. Burlesque is a dish best served cold, it helps the tassels stick.

17. Neighbouring peepers can sound like a cat being strangled or laugh gingerly at your jokes. It’s a toss up.

18. Be Brave: Be Rewarded.

19. Shimmy. It is under-rated. And it feels great.

20. Point your toe!

21. Tandem stocking removal is sexier than it sounds.

22. Steal from what you love, and then jam it all together, to make something amazing that everyone can love

23. Prepare to fail. So that way if you do, you know how to react

24. Snags, hooks, claps and zippers all stand in the way of your success, now what?

25. Breathe. Red face on stage with red lights…it’s too much red.

26. Sparkle.

27. Everybody should dance more

28. Can I show you a trick should be your first question.

29. Sing songs people know the words to, so they can sing along

29b. Don’t sing, just mouth the words

30. It doesn’t matter what you have as long as you shake it!!!(notice the exclamation points- They’re important)

So Burlesque was fabulous in other words. Charleston, live vocals, bum bouncing, the wonder works. Oh, and Daytona Bitch was there too.

Things I Learned At Burlesque

One thought on “Things I Learned At Burlesque

  1. GFF says:

    Lesson 31: No one knows you are unemployed. If anyone asks, you’re a lion tamer or a federal boob inspector.

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