Things have stopped working for me lately. I don’t mean to sound dramatic, or like the sad sack I am behind closed doors. But my life things aren’t working right. I am talking about that special ways I do things. The undefined things that help to work things out. Seeing as I like my life the most when things work out, I strive for that. And things have mostly always just worked out. Of course, they took planning and sometimes long hours and hard lessons, but I always found a way to work it out. And now, none of it is working any more. All those things I had relied on are letting me down and I don’t know what to do to get them working again.
You might say; “Welcome to Adulthood.” But I don’t think it’s that. I mean it’s not just that. Being a grown up seemed so simple to me when I wasn’t one. I remember watching decisions being made. I can see adults working things out. I hear the way they sounded so well informed. It’s amazing what I see now. The all knowing adults now just seem confused; mostly because I am among their ranks which somehow qualifies me as their equal, their peer. Absorbing information I am not ready to process. Adults; we’re all nuts.
You might say; “You’re being dramatic.” Okay, but if I feel confused and overwhelmed, how do people with real responsibility feel? Like, no matter how you slice it, someone, somewhere is way worse off than you. But that doesn’t always help me feel better. I just start feeling bad for both of us…And all those sad sacks in between.
Or you might say; “Just because you can’t see things working out, doesn’t mean that they aren’t, and you should just learn to breathe through all these irrational and energy wasting reactions, cuz it’s stupid to sweat the small stuff baby.” And I would say; “Oh shut it Hubby and help me clean the house.”
Alright, so there’s no grown up manual to how things work. There is no guide to working things out. Even the existence of working things can be questioned…If we want to get metaphysical about it. And though somedays feel like everything is wrong, or unfixable doesn’t mean they are. Maybe we just need to think about what does work and how we can work it out and what it feels like when it’s working. But boy, does that seem like a lot of work.