Last night’s rain rinsed off the old, so I thought I would float in with the new. As always this entry is to be read in a TMZ Blonde dialect.So hot right now?
Things That Are Hot, Right Now
1.Throwback Summer Jams- as Songza has taught me over the last 2 weeks is that Sly and the Family Stone, En Vogue and the Ronettes are oh so hot again. Music chosen by mood will always be exactly what you were vibing.
2. Cannibals- Yes, it’s true. The dangerous and deadly carnivores are so freakin’ hot right now. These characters are stepping out of the jungles and into our modern life. In essence Munster-ing themselves into normalcy. They are no longer just fodder for far off lands, they are what’s for dinner.
3. Telling the truth. We all know it should be hot to tell the truth all the dang time, but ’tisn’t. The cycles of fad have rolled through butt-kissing white lies to respectful silence and finally back to honesty. Which, of course is my fav slice of the pie chart- it is the best policy.
4.Nail Art– As over the top designs flood Pinterest it’s clear that these quirky nails are the finger fashions of the now. With Hello Kitties, Chanel logos and polka dots leading the pack, the only limit is what you can get your hands on…Er, on your hands.
5. Rambo Commando attire minus of course the grease paint. The fatigue of the armed forces finding new life in funky colours and styles. This pattern transforms a boring old pair of shorts into an elite force to be reckoned with. Be proud, stand tall, support the coupes. (that means cutoffs)
Things That Are Always Hot
1. Pulling together- The more the merrier. Many hands make for light work. The more we get together, the happier we’ll be. It’s kinda like with the Truth, except pulling together never goes out of style. Just because we’re born alone, (which we really aren’t, there’s a whole lotta people there when you’re born) doesn’t mean that we have to go through our life in a solitary bubble. There are people all around you to help with the heavy lifting, carrying, sorting, washing, moving…etc. Which reminds me, if you want to work with me, I’ll always have a task for you.
2. Narwhals, unicorns and rhinos- They’re horny, horny, horny, horny. So horny. They’re horny, horny, horny tonight…actually all the time. Part of me thinks they’re all hot because they are all unicorns…in their own chicken of the sea way. These strong and beautiful animals protect, defend and they’re always En Garde.
3. Beer Gardens at outdoor festivals especially if there is fireworks. Live music, entertainment and libations. Nuff said.
Things That Are Cool, but Will Never Be Hot
1. Home baked goodies- except when they come out of the oven. Ha!
2. Ponytails- The humid air and extreme heat are not awesome for the following hair types: Everyone. With curly hair getting bigger and thin hair getting limper, rocking a flirty pony is the best option. Let’s be honest, hair up with never be as hot as hair down. But when it’s like this, a good looking set of piggies is way cooler than a slick, drippy messed up mop.
3. Stomach tattoos on men who look pregnant. The distended distortion of the original image becoming a puzzle for unwitting belly oglers. It may be an overstatement to say they are/were cool…but one hopes that at least the idea seemed cool at the time…I hope.
There we go again. The fourth instalment of my groundbreaking Things That Are So Hot, Right Now series. Thanks for reading. As for me, I look forward to rocking a pony, while telling the truth, at a beer garden, scoping out some wicked combat shorts while deciphering stomach tats…I guess it’s a good thing fads come and go. I can’t wait for being poor to be in, I already rock at that.