The Starving Artist: Chapter 42: There Is No Try

There is a certain way I do things. I am a planner, schemer, dreamer, muddler, melder, a knit-picker. I spend an awful lot of time in my own head. In my mind I am a general in charge of a fleet of elite agents. I am the conductor, baton in hand. I am the captain of my own destiny. I am in command of my strategic plan. I pour over details. I am methodical. TA DAH! Important side note: I am not great at actually doing; taking action requires a whole new plan. And I have trouble planning that far ahead. That’s why I took off last week, I had to plan on letting myself work. Sometimes your brain needs a break so that your body can do what it needs to do.

I fear idle hands. I worry that being lazy will get me into trouble. Not deep-tossed in the clink trouble but -swallowing a mouthful of water and it scares you into thinking you’re drowning-kinda trouble…ya know? I don’t like being bored. I have always been a busy body. I like to putter. I like bustling. I like many projects on the go. Sadly, fish brain gets in the way. All those teeny life details seep in around the edges of my focus. Suddenly, I am full-blown distracted. Like, when I clean, the whole house is a mess. Everything gets piled up, pulled off shelves and out of closets, then waits to be separated and reallocated. The fallen soldiers of my projects strewn in corners and across tabletops for as far as the eye can see. I am not a stagnate person. But being busy and being productive are two different things.

I was stuck trying to do things. And we all know there is only do or do not. But I couldn’t stop my cycle of unfocused interruptions. There were so many things on my to do list, that I couldn’t figure out how to DO them. I would spend precious time arranging a plan of attack only to find myself in a completely different battle. I forgot how to plan for the time things would take. I hadn’t allotted any downtime. My brain was running full steam from alarm clock to begrudged bedtime. I was suffering from unfinished business, and I could not handle being a ghost. Don’t even get me started on that. Taking the week off from what Momma calls: Public therapy; well, it was weird at first. This blog unclogs my mind from the details that can hide the forest from the trees. I know, I know, that’s not right, but I like the way it sounds. And now that I am back on track with a few finished items checked off my list; I can get back to being a mental general. And I am happy to report that I will conducting a mental symphony aboard my destiny ship. Sit anywhere you’d like.

The Starving Artist: Chapter 42: There Is No Try

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