Ladies and Germs,
I have always been a happy multi-tasker. I love having many strings of my life weaving the beautiful tapestry of my story. But sometimes, those threads get too long and tangled. This is where I am right now. I am working on too many different projects with too many bosses and not enough sleep. So, as my creative self is stifled, rushed and in disarray, I must release myself from the self-imposed pressures of performance. I love writing this blog, but my fingers have been and continue to be, otherwise occupied. And I have to be okay with that- cuz that’s the way it is. So, until after things settle down, which doesn’t look like that long from now, I am going on hiatus.
Sad, I know, but this is the perfect opportunity for you to catch up on a nearly perfect year of blogging. Thanks for your ongoing support & love, it’s helped me the whole way. And I look forward to getting back to this again soon.
Love and glitter,
Humans are designed to consume information. There are books and magazines. There are blogs and websites and conventions and lectures. The world around us is bursting with delectable knowledge to munch on. Everyday is full of appetizing opportunities to fill our minds. As children we learn from our parents. In school, we learn from our teachers. And as grown ups we learn from each other. Now, what we learn depends on where we learn it and how we’re taught. And since no two students learn alike, how can we quantify what knowledge is truly and deliciously powerful?
With the ever increasing availability of information, it is difficult to sift through and find the knowledge we need to survive, thrive and pass along. In this world of high tech, low connection interactions; FB status updates and Instagram poses have become our main source of human contact. Which is great on so many universal levels, let’s all agree on that, but can be the cause of so many other issues that didn’t exist even 10 years ago. As an internet savvy society, we are able to be active observers in the lives of those around us without actually participating. This is where knowing and doing meet and split. I find this passivity has made me lazy. Just because I know what someone wants to show me is going on in their lives, doesn’t mean I’ve actually learned anything about them. I miss long winded phone calls and brief catch-ups and brunches with long lost friends. I miss late night gab sessions filled with tears and toils over boys and truly learning who all these people are, not just who they want the world to think they could be. I want to learn about the real, damaged and delightful them.
Now, as a person with multiple personas, I can see my opinion being negated by they fact that my public identity and my private one are often at odds with each other, but I am learning to live in the spaces where my realities cross-over. Those lovely green and purple areas of life. My identities include: Gracie the kindest, sweetest and most humble version of myself. She is the person I would be if the rest of the world wasn’t such a jerk. I’ve learned it’s easy to be an optimistic sweetie pie on stage and online. Now, Melicious is a bit more vile. She gets mad with those jerks for being Jerks, and then there’s Melissa, who knows that she’s a jerk most of the time. The happy green mix of yellow and blue is learning that even if all of my identities merged into one, there would still be a world full of jerks both online and off and dealing with it daily. In the end, I guess the most powerful knowledge is learning who you are, what you want and what you’re willing to do to get it. I am willing to go for it and now I am trying to learn how to do so. Hello, my name is Gracie, Melicious and Melissa and I am an information over-eater and highly sought after trivia teammate. And I just needed to share that knowledge with you.
Creativity is something that needs to be nurtured. It needs coaxing. It has to be cajoled and convinced it to come out and play. This is the best and worst thing about being creative- it’s work.
My family is creative. At least we’re creative thinkers. We can turn a phrase and make up words, terminology and conceptualize like you wouldn’t believe. Though, if you read this blog you might already be hip to that info. What you don’t know is that words we’ve made up become real; at least to us. So ingrained that the whole family -even those who marry into it- know what they mean. When I spend time with my family, I am firing on all cylinders. With each joke I am aiming to one up the last. It’s a mental workout. Sadly though, this intellectual intensity isn’t readily available in my daily life.
Now, now, that’s not to say I am not mentally stimulated by my day to day routine, I am; it’s just not brain boot camp. Plus if I was always ‘on’ I might find myself spending even more time alone. I guess what I’m trying to say is being creative doesn’t just happen, it’s a decision that needs to be made. Maybe it’s writing in a journal when you wake. Or it could be baking a cookie mansion. How about designing and building a performance art piece every month? Then again it could be writing a blog, where you get to create anything you want. So, even though I haven’t been writing as much as I would like, I know that I am being creative elsewhere. And it seems to be paying off. But I do miss these words we share.
I know, I know it’s TalkBack Tuesday, but I took yesterday off for my Birthday weekend celebration wrap up. If you know me, then you know I have troubles surrounding my Bday- which of course stem from mild childhood disappointments exaggerated over time blah blah blah first world problems. And if you remember last year was a disappointment; as the Commish was in attendance in all his pleasure wrecking glory. But I pledged that this year was gonna be better and it was; here’s why.
1. I was specific about what I wanted to do and who I wanted to do it with.
2. I asked for my a few of my wanted-needs. Those things I feel weird buying myself and avoid doing because deep down I’m a cheapo.
3. There was no pressure. It was planned spontaneity. Which is my favourite.
4. I performed, which is my first love. And though it’s ‘work’ it’s something I’d like to do a lot more of…even on my birthday.
5. The Commish was banned from all birthday proceedings. Yeah he was! And thankfully he kept his distance.
6. I am happier in my everyday life than I have ever been. Which is amplified by special occasions…which bodes very well for the upcoming holiday season.
I guess what I wanted to say to all those FB messages, the strangers who sent over bday shots and my many social circles was- ‘Good job, folks! That’s a wrap on Project Bday 2013.’
Special shout outs go to my Hubby who spoiled me, BFF who bookended the weekend nicely, GFF and my on the road Showgirls. You know, I’m starting to think this whole Birthday thing should be a yearly tradition. Though I’m willing to try it quarterly. ❤
Hey fans its my bday in a few days and I wanted to make sure you knew what’s on my Birthday Wishlist:
1. A new pair of skinny jeans- my old skinny jeans aren’t skinny enough. Though it’s not because I’m so much skinnier, it’s because they were cheap.
2. Gift certificates, to anywhere. I love shopping, but as you may not know, blogging and showgirling aren’t the most lucrative of careers. It’s nice to treat myself without breaking the bank. I also love AirMiles;)
3. Phone case for a 4s. Mine is peeling and cracking:(
4. KTP tickets. I don’t know when she’s touring…but that was the best concert I’ve ever been to and I can’t wait to see what she does for us next.
That’s it. I’m pretty good right now. I mean I’m happier than I have been ever. I am proud to be turning 32 and I feel like I have so much more ahead of me. Let’s do this! Bestest Birthday on three. 1-2-3! BESTEST BIRTHDAY!!!!
My Papa B is a cynic. He taught me to see past the words to what people are really saying. To suspect the worst from people, then be thankful whenever that wasn’t the case. He’d reinforce that doing things yourself was the only way to get them done, never expect a free ride and eventually looks fade so you better have a fall back plan. He taught me to question everything, which is probably why I believe in ghosts and they scare the bee-gee-bus outta me.
My Hubby on the other hand, worries about my naivety. He worries that I will be taken in by smooth moves and a steady gaze. That the kind words of a stranger trying to sell me a bill of goods will outweigh all my common sense. He sees me as an innocent Pinocchio, being whisked away to donkey island, which is fun until you realize the error of your ways. And my ears are big enough thank you very much.
As for me…Just call me, the optimistic skeptic. It’s my hope that by expecting the best from everyone that they will realize their opportunity and aim a little bit higher. Hopefully encouraging kindness and achieving a new personal best. That leading by example and sharing that support with a genuine hope for everyone to win, we can start winning together. Wow, that sounds like a lot to ask a smooth talking stranger, huckster or fiend. But being an optimistic skeptic means it’s not a shocker when those strangers fall short of the ideal dream world outcome I’d hoped for. It’s the best of the light and the dark. Luke and Vader. Dee and Dum. But seriously, how cute is it my Hubby thinks I could ever be blinded by a kind word and a glistening set of washboard abs? I mean really.
My Papa B has always believed in those old wive’s tales. Like the one about the itchy right hand forecasting a financial windfall. Or how about the one where birds predict the passing of a loved one, which, of course comes in threes. So, what’s the point? Well, these little superstitious quirks have started to rub off on me…Even after all this time.
In the last few days I have had trouble sleeping. I have had itchy hands, feet and throat. The birds have been starring at me and I’m starting to fear the worst, but I’m still hoping for the best. Then there’s the has atypical impulses to purchase lottery tickets; which my Hubby refers to as idiot tax. I haven’t been feeling quite myself, but I also haven’t been feeling like anyone else either. It’s almost as thought something’s coming, in a very West Side Story kinda way. And I just can’t shake that
Now, having superstitions isn’t a bad thing. I feel like it’s the way to look out for opportunities, though I also know that looking for something often means you’re more likely to see what you want to. As with everything it’s a matter of perspective. I am a huge supporter of looking at the sunny side of life. So, I’ll take those birds and stare right back at them. I’ll try my itchy-handed-luck at a game of chance. And I’ll keep hoping those unseen opportunities start popping up. I’m open to it.