Remember when I told you I would keep you posted if what was hot right now changed? Well, it changed. So, as a friendly reminder you’re like supposed to read this like a TMZ Valley Girl.
Things That Are HOT, Right Now
1. People wearing animal hats and animals wearing human hats. Now, the animals don’t wear hats made of human, they wear hats humans wear. Which seems unfair as humans wear hats that look like animals. The most popular: Pandas, Foxes and Angry Birds. The latter I am always afraid is going to knock me down, until I remember I am not a green piggy. Phew.
2. The Chaplin- a horizontal line of pubic hair. For a long time the Brazilian held court in the southern markets. I for one am glad to hear that we’re not taking our waxing so seriously. Plus little stash wiggle is great for a laugh.
3. Starfish, Sand Dollars and Urchins- Lazy fish are soo hot right now. They are symbolic of all the things that are great about vacation. Living at the beach, digesting things slowly and being sharp. Sharp in the brain way not the pokey, owie way.
4. Bitches are the new Vampire. Bitch, Jerk and Meany come after werewolf, in the sexy bad guy domain. It sucks for the nice guy, but not as much as it does for the vampire who’ll have to wait an eternity to be cool again. Good thing they’ve got time;)
Things That Are ALWAYS Hot:
1. Breaking through walls. I don’t mean metaphorically. I’m talking when Super-villans fight Super-heroes. A certain amount of destruction is expected and the most wicked is when they punch each other so hard they fly through plate-glass windows. Better yet when Super-heroes/villains are fly fighting and they bust trough brick walls or even through an entire building and out the other side. That’s hot.
2. Terrariums- They are more humid than hot, but I thought they would be happy to be included. With their low maintenance, they often get forgotten.
3. Decorative soaps and Vintage knobs- door, drawers and soap dishes deserve respect. There is nothing better than grabbing hold of an old knob and just yanking it. Or watching as your soap animal slowly withers away into a sudsy nub.
Things That Are Cool, but Will Never Be Hot:
1. Pickles. Dills most of all. Then all the other pickles. Bread and Butter Pickles are not included in this category. They’re just not cool, okay?
2. Pomp and Circumstance: Fake British accents- especially when your with people who know your from London….Ontario. The swish of taffeta and silk on carpet, especially on expensively woven rugs. Oh and having a room you call the Grand Hall.
3. Old Vampires: Old people who’ve been old for as long as anyone can remember. Examples: Maggie Smith, Dame Judy Dench and Betty White. Since growing old they’ve never gotten older. That’s cool. Weird, but cool.
4. Braided hair: It’s a little Princess Leia, it’s a little bit Heidi. Both cool, but only one should wear braids with a bronze bikini. Though lederhosen has a certain Ich weiß nicht, was (that’s a German: je ne sais quais)
So, now that we’re all up to date on what is So Hot, Right Now, we can celebrate being on the cutting edge of the cutting edge. But what I want to know is does everybody on the cutting edge feel this out of style? It’s like, by predicting the next hottest thing, I am always a step ahead. Which puts me outside the realms of trend. It would almost seem as though I am out of the loop. Which reminds me, The Loop is cool, but I am thinkin’ it’s on the rise and will be HOT very soon. Keep on trending!